Today

Something very odd happened today.

I had an exceptionally vivd daydream: my vagina opened and stretched and stretched untill it began to tear and spilt - and all the bad things about me, about my life up untill now left my body in a spectral woosh of imagined fear and imagined loathing...

It had all been wrong - a miscommunication - something not fully understood...
What had I been thinking?

Elizabeth had left the Caprice so full of tears and upset... But she had to come back because I'd kept the house keys in my clenched palm... We both left the restraunt and she hailed a cab. I was red angry but I tried to pretend that I din't give a fuck... 5 mins later the cab reverses to pick me up.

We go back to the flat and stare at the bottles of wine and spirit we consume on a daily basis... I disappear off to the bathroom and begin my usual pantomime of self-loathing...

You can cut your fucking head off - you can open your veins and wait for the call.
You can eat shit for breakfast lunch and dinner. You can feel the enormity of something very very wrong... in the fabric of your being.

But there was a time... there was always a time... when you stared up at nothing but the light and breath of some very new world...

Something left my body for good... TODAY.

But