Aren't Mums brilliant!!

My lovely Mum has just sent me a copy of "Mysteries of Bizarre Animals and Freaks of Nature"(in paperback)by Phyllis Raybin Emert... And just to think, here's me writing about my neighbours.

SO!... Just to get this bit of information off my chest - once again [I've lost track how many people I've told this to]:

My Neighbours are truly, truly awful animals; An elderly married couple I know only as Pam and Morris. Pam is in her late 70's and the totally repugnant Morris is possibly 150... But believe me, this is no excuse.

At our first meeting, some years ago now, Morris invited me into their dark little flat so as to take down my "details"... It was 9 in the morning and he was watching telly - nothing odd about that... "Pam's out getting the paper," he told me. I smiled and stood in the brown living room when I began noticing that something was smelling of marmite, sour dough and sweaty fish... Morris went out of the room to "get his little book".
I glanced around at their world of furnishings... and it was then that I saw this huge double-headed yellow dildo sitting on the tiled fireplace next to the fake-flame gas fire. I had to do a double-take... not belieiving what I was looking at... And then I began to notice more!
Large format VHS tapes with titles like "Tit-less Teens", "Buttman's Brown Derby", "Hanging Jugs 5"... you get the picture. Rows and rows of porno tapes... and then I noticed their choice of wall-art... A Sunday Sport calender - no crime there, I suppose - but then a framed photo of two naked black women sitting on white deck chairs with red vibrators sticking out from... whatever.
Morris came into the room and - I'm guessing - saw my expression.
"Hee hee... it all goes on in 'ere y'know luv! Pam's the bloody worst! Dirty cow... hee, hee... So, if you're ever lonely... or the boyfriend's pushing you to try something a bit different... heee, hee... Now... do you have your mobile number there, darling... I can put it in me book."

That's Morris for you... and it sort of explains the tortured sounds that pass through these walls at all hours.

I'm going to enjoy keeping this blog y'know...
There's no one telling you "No" for starters... and so far it has kept me from doing anything on my late hand-in paper.

It's Friday... and I think it's time for a sherry... and then I best make a start on that lasagne, and give John Bell his tea...
My god, even that sounds rude now...